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Cloudbelt

by Shit Narnia

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  • Record/Vinyl + Digital Album

    12" translucent blue vinyl with booklet. Comes with bonus lyric zine featuring drawings by Steven Christie.

    Includes unlimited streaming of Cloudbelt via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    ships out within 14 days

      $40 AUD or more 

     

  • Streaming + Download

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    Purchasable with gift card

      $10 AUD  or more

     

1.
i hope that you lie, don’t say you’re unhappy you know its like blood in the water to me tell me you’re fine, i’ll stay the fuck away i’d be drawn like a moth to malaise i watch but don’t intervene as i lay all these traps of tenderness between us as if when stepped on whatever we once had might rise again, surging and seize us but it's not coming back and i’d best stay away lest it sneak in with tendrils that flicker like wraiths i’ll offer no bait, don’t you show any weakness you know it’s like blood in the water Ii hope that you lie, don’t say you’re unhappy i keep taking on burdens I know I can’t carry i hope that you lie don’t say you’re unhappy you know its like blood in the water so if i come begging again turn me away, don’t look on my face tell me its over i’ll be sure to believe it we'll spit here together extinguish this flame spit extinguish this flame there’s nothing selfless in this desire to save
2.
drain the state parch this city you’re in the water and it’s the only relief scorch these coastal swamplands drain this state, parch this city you’re in the water looking out upon a mottled harbour you fester there on festing street you lodged anew in familiar geography an open wound, a bloodied sheet from that unlikely centre you spread thru my hometown each landmark caught in three days on repeat tendrils of pale flesh infest every building and your scent covers all the perfume of defeat in crater park i stammered out the spectre of commitment i’d have visited with you had it ever taken form i’ll never lodge within your history as you have pierced mine we conceived of something but its fruit was never borne you’ve stained everything light blue the water’s always seeping through my whole life reeks of you
3.
Choke 04:48
i was always envious of their murmured arguments as someone who holds everything ‘til my body is rent and a small trickle of feeling, spills out and down the drain like spit, or the fourth or fifth time that i cum in a day but u don’t want to do this anymore don’t want to put anyone else through this anymore so today i choose to face my flaws ‘cause i don’t want to put those i love through this anymore i just paved the whole thing over like the tiles on that bathroom floor ‘til she eventually grew tired of trying to prise if from my desperate claws i placed blame on my father, flaws inherited from him said “we latch on to shared genitals, emulate virtues and sins” but i don’t want to do this anymore don’t want to put anyone else through this anymore so today I choose to face my flaws ‘cause i don’t want to put those i love through this anymore but even if that was reality it’d be no way to live to eschew responsibility, live by blame, never forgive ‘cause i wanna be open to those i love to express my fears and doubts connection sabotaged no more by an inability to choke a single genuine thing out i can’t choke a single genuine thing out
4.
signs still advertising events of two years past this town is slowly chipping away at a hope that needs to last i bought a condom from the machine in the highway service station bathroom and we had clumsy stilted sex on the golf course one school afternoon afterwards we walked back to my place clothes thrown all askew and my mother gave us one look over and i’m pretty sure she knew i see now that’s where it began the stripping back of childhood’s veil and shield marble slowly chipped away til the man who lay beneath was revealed and though I share my medium with that boy captured in palest stone i’m less muscular poise than shitty skin and crooked bone this inward looking salem with its public trials and heart of gold has both nurtured and crucified and left at its whims i’d soon grow old so that’s why i have to leave before it strips away everything that’s new depart those who’ll stick with petty rivalries and alcoholism through so that’s it, i’m shooting through and i need to make it fast to escape signs still advertising events of two years past
5.
i want my body to be boundless (feminine, infinite) but I find the prospect disgusting (sever me, limited) i want my form to flow freely (flooded world, enter me) but every umbilical’s tied off (nothing leaks, out of me) there is life in seepage connection to a wondrous flow but I fear I am more of the dry dirt above than the warm wet potential that slumbers below i am soft and lovely i was born blessed by the mother divine but i’ve been raised as a machine and i want my stomach to touch my spine the spring it is free, it is lovely (joyous life, mother blessed) the sterile desert is clean (reject my, otherness) i want my body to spread outward (flowing from my pumping heart) but every orifice is sewn up (excise every tender part, doomed to isolation from the start)
6.
Control 06:30
jerk all my desires numb anaesthetise my sexuality i’m sick of sex, unworthy of love consuming and consumed by pornography i want to be dead and sexless beat my desires out of me i shouldn’t be touched, i’m a ruin and i should be treated accordingly i cling on to all these visions these awful possibilities they replay in all my rhythms imaginings, search histories severed, gaping, gushing wounds hacked away with blunt knives chemically entombed or cut with pincers, heated, cauterised castration’s appeal endures to excise lust, attain control a sure and celibate severance a complete revocation of this role my desires are sad and mangled and i don’t think they can be made whole so their complete obliteration seems to me the only worthy goal because i’m fucked and i’m weak i’m corrupt and compromised i don’t deserve a chance to speak but there’s nothing i can do about the things i did at seventeen the trusts that i betrayed these stains that just won’t come out clean no amount of forgiveness will ever wipe these crimes off me i know i’m not a good man and i’m not sure its something that i’ll ever be i find it hard to inhabit that body can’t sense the intent behind my actions beside her in her bed seeking some kind of callous satisfaction her a messy comedown from a shitty crumbling pill and this piece of shit, a so-called friend touching her against her will it’s why i have this tattooed on me control and accountability we’re all raised without a chance to form a healthy sexuality but that’s no excuse for my actions for they cannot be excused not by my youth, not by my culture i wasn’t drunk or dumb or confused and i understand if knowing this you’ve no forgiveness to extend but know that i don’t ever want to hurt anyone again and i will hold the horror of this in my heart til the end i don’t ever want to hurt anyone again
7.
Coax 04:41
i can feel your blood coursing wildly i admit that being this close terrifies me but you beckon and you encompass i defrost in your glow and i open for you my throat is choked full of small broken things you beckon, encourage these frail offerings these precious ugly truths you let me murmur them to you
8.
i hope this is the curve’s lowest point i think that it is my time to retreat and fleeing down the highway, i’ll escape everything all this drink, all this desire, all this heat this highway traces all these lonely drought ridden places bitter locales hidden behind smiling servo faces these fading towns devoid of welcome somehow this journey south and home back to a place I once escaped from it harks back to these troubled months to this disaster it belongs it articulates the exact arc i have descended along drive on thru dry country, patiently await the great southern cloudbelt's welcoming embrace ‘cause there's no better sign that everything's in order than seeing that grey-white line hugging the shire's border so i’m rebuilding my defences and fixing my mothers fences sliding back into life here watching these weeks disappear and all of the drunk drivers swarming around the weekend they reinforce my conviction that i've got something to defend and i’ve got so much to defend i’ve got so much to repair and i can see hope now in my hometown where i once only saw despair with its prize winning consumption those figures so obscene a town so steeped in alcohol seems a strange place to go clean but if i stay focused on this body the love of my family and friends and i stay clear of stirling terrace on these cold summer weekends then nothings predetermined i can will my track to bend the ocean it will heal me and i will see my exhaustion’s end that city’s fucking ruined me that’s why I have to stay immerse myself in cool and cleansing water twice a day

about

Shit Narnia's debut album. Recorded on unceded Noongar boodjar.

credits

released May 2, 2022

All songs by Shit Narnia
Recorded by Mitch McDonald
Additional recording by Jordan Shakespeare
Mixed by Mitch McDonald
Mastered by Jack Shirley
Art and layout by Steven Christie

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Shit Narnia Perth, Australia

emotional punks, Walyalup

debut album Cloudbelt out early 2022

photos by @emmadaisy.photo

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