1. |
The Water, Pt. 1
03:27
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i hope that you lie, don’t say you’re unhappy
you know its like blood in the water to me
tell me you’re fine, i’ll stay the fuck away
i’d be drawn like a moth to malaise
i watch but don’t intervene
as i lay all these traps of tenderness between us
as if when stepped on whatever we once had
might rise again, surging and seize us
but it's not coming back and i’d best stay away
lest it sneak in with tendrils that flicker like wraiths
i’ll offer no bait, don’t you show any weakness
you know it’s like blood in the water
Ii hope that you lie, don’t say you’re unhappy
i keep taking on burdens I know I can’t carry
i hope that you lie don’t say you’re unhappy
you know its like blood in the water
so if i come begging again
turn me away, don’t look on my face
tell me its over i’ll be sure to believe it
we'll spit here together extinguish this flame
spit
extinguish this flame
there’s nothing selfless in this desire to save
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2. |
The Water, Pt. 2
04:32
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drain the state
parch this city
you’re in the water and it’s the only relief
scorch these coastal swamplands
drain this state, parch this city
you’re in the water
looking out upon a mottled harbour
you fester there on festing street
you lodged anew in familiar geography
an open wound, a bloodied sheet
from that unlikely centre you spread thru my hometown
each landmark caught in three days on repeat
tendrils of pale flesh infest every building
and your scent covers all the perfume of defeat
in crater park i stammered out the spectre of commitment
i’d have visited with you had it ever taken form
i’ll never lodge within your history as you have pierced mine
we conceived of something but its fruit was never borne
you’ve stained everything light blue
the water’s always seeping through
my whole life reeks of you
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3. |
Choke
04:48
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i was always envious of their murmured arguments
as someone who holds everything ‘til my body is rent
and a small trickle of feeling, spills out and down the drain
like spit, or the fourth or fifth time that i cum in a day
but u don’t want to do this anymore
don’t want to put anyone else through this anymore
so today i choose to face my flaws
‘cause i don’t want to put those i love through this anymore
i just paved the whole thing over like the tiles on that bathroom floor
‘til she eventually grew tired of trying to prise if from my desperate claws
i placed blame on my father, flaws inherited from him
said “we latch on to shared genitals, emulate virtues and sins”
but i don’t want to do this anymore
don’t want to put anyone else through this anymore
so today I choose to face my flaws
‘cause i don’t want to put those i love through this anymore
but even if that was reality it’d be no way to live
to eschew responsibility, live by blame, never forgive
‘cause i wanna be open to those i love to express my fears and doubts
connection sabotaged no more by an inability to choke a
single genuine thing out
i can’t choke a single genuine thing out
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4. |
||||
signs still advertising
events of two years past
this town is slowly chipping away
at a hope that needs to last
i bought a condom from the machine in the highway service station bathroom
and we had clumsy stilted sex on the golf course one school afternoon
afterwards we walked back to my place clothes thrown all askew
and my mother gave us one look over and i’m pretty sure she knew
i see now that’s where it began the stripping back of childhood’s veil and shield
marble slowly chipped away til the man who lay beneath was revealed
and though I share my medium with that boy captured in palest stone
i’m less muscular poise than shitty skin and crooked bone
this inward looking salem with its public trials and heart of gold
has both nurtured and crucified and left at its whims i’d soon grow old
so that’s why i have to leave before it strips away everything that’s new
depart those who’ll stick with petty rivalries and alcoholism through
so that’s it, i’m shooting through
and i need to make it fast
to escape signs still advertising
events of two years past
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5. |
Flooded World
06:06
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i want my body to be boundless
(feminine, infinite)
but I find the prospect disgusting
(sever me, limited)
i want my form to flow freely
(flooded world, enter me)
but every umbilical’s tied off
(nothing leaks, out of me)
there is life in seepage
connection to a wondrous flow
but I fear I am more of the dry dirt above
than the warm wet potential that slumbers below
i am soft and lovely
i was born blessed by the mother divine
but i’ve been raised as a machine
and i want my stomach to touch my spine
the spring it is free, it is lovely
(joyous life, mother blessed)
the sterile desert is clean
(reject my, otherness)
i want my body to spread outward
(flowing from my pumping heart)
but every orifice is sewn up
(excise every tender part, doomed to isolation from the start)
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6. |
Control
06:30
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jerk all my desires numb
anaesthetise my sexuality
i’m sick of sex, unworthy of love
consuming and consumed by pornography
i want to be dead and sexless
beat my desires out of me
i shouldn’t be touched, i’m a ruin
and i should be treated accordingly
i cling on to all these visions
these awful possibilities
they replay in all my rhythms
imaginings, search histories
severed, gaping, gushing wounds
hacked away with blunt knives
chemically entombed or
cut with pincers, heated, cauterised
castration’s appeal endures
to excise lust, attain control
a sure and celibate severance
a complete revocation of this role
my desires are sad and mangled
and i don’t think they can be made whole
so their complete obliteration
seems to me the only worthy goal
because i’m fucked
and i’m weak
i’m corrupt and compromised i don’t deserve a chance to speak
but there’s nothing i can do about the things i did at seventeen
the trusts that i betrayed
these stains that just won’t come out clean
no amount of forgiveness
will ever wipe these crimes off me
i know i’m not a good man
and i’m not sure its something that i’ll ever be
i find it hard to inhabit that body
can’t sense the intent behind my actions
beside her in her bed
seeking some kind of callous satisfaction
her a messy comedown
from a shitty crumbling pill
and this piece of shit, a so-called friend
touching her against her will
it’s why i have this tattooed on me
control and accountability
we’re all raised without a chance to form
a healthy sexuality
but that’s no excuse for my actions
for they cannot be excused
not by my youth, not by my culture
i wasn’t drunk or dumb or confused
and i understand if knowing this
you’ve no forgiveness to extend
but know that i don’t ever want
to hurt anyone again
and i will hold the horror of this
in my heart til the end
i don’t ever want to
hurt anyone again
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7. |
Coax
04:41
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i can feel your blood coursing wildly
i admit that being this close terrifies me
but you beckon
and you encompass
i defrost in your glow
and i open for you
my throat is choked
full of small broken things
you beckon, encourage
these frail offerings
these precious ugly truths
you let me murmur them to you
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8. |
Abundant, Scattered
06:29
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i hope this is the curve’s lowest point
i think that it is my time to retreat
and fleeing down the highway, i’ll escape everything
all this drink, all this desire, all this heat
this highway traces all these lonely drought ridden places
bitter locales hidden behind smiling servo faces
these fading towns devoid of welcome
somehow this journey south and home
back to a place I once escaped from
it harks back to these troubled months
to this disaster it belongs
it articulates the exact arc i have descended along
drive on thru dry country, patiently await
the great southern cloudbelt's welcoming embrace
‘cause there's no better sign that everything's in order
than seeing that grey-white line hugging the shire's border
so i’m rebuilding my defences
and fixing my mothers fences
sliding back into life here
watching these weeks disappear
and all of the drunk drivers
swarming around the weekend
they reinforce my conviction
that i've got something to defend
and i’ve got so much to defend
i’ve got so much to repair
and i can see hope now in my hometown
where i once only saw despair
with its prize winning consumption
those figures so obscene
a town so steeped in alcohol
seems a strange place to go clean
but if i stay focused on this body
the love of my family and friends
and i stay clear of stirling terrace
on these cold summer weekends
then nothings predetermined
i can will my track to bend
the ocean it will heal me
and i will see my exhaustion’s end
that city’s fucking ruined me
that’s why I have to stay
immerse myself in cool and cleansing
water twice a day
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Shit Narnia Perth, Australia
emotional punks, Walyalup
debut album Cloudbelt out early 2022
photos by @emmadaisy.photo
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